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Very much wondering why I allow words to come out of my mouth from the synapses that fire in my brain, or somethin’. A dear friend told me recently, “Mind is always more demanding.” Yea. ‘Bout that madness. Off switch?

Since I have yet to find that switch, I’m just going with the flow that is me. Nothing new in any way that I have So much on my mind. Oh so much. What is it currently? At this moment? Let’s stick with currently…..

Saw a great movie the other day. Never thought I would have these trains of thought from it. I was a bit shocked at myself then thought how appropriate for how I’m feeling.

Yes, I Do recommend watching this movie. So very well done, on so many levels.

So what did I start streaming in my head afterward? How Very much I Feel buried.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you what was streaming without giving away details of the movie. I’ll try:

It could be sand filling up my world but most likely it’s just shit, sorry, or really, not great stuff. It’s coming in, uninvited. It hits when it hits. It happens when others don’t concern themselves with, well, others.

I have some resources, a decent memory. I can find out information, gather data and details. I can stay calm, or I can freak out. I can assess my situation, try for a solution them move on to the next.

Trying all of that and still feeling utterly alone is overwhelming. It’s frustrating. At times mind-boggling.

No matter how much I try to get it right, to move forward to bring in some good, I get buried. I can manage but it’s not pleasant. I can breathe but at times it seems pointless and I want to give up.

I have to say, I Highly doubt Mr. Sparling had any idea someone would take the above away from seeing his screenplay on screen. But to him I say, Kudos! For one, I Love the reality of it all. To some that may seem, well, off. But too much of Hollywood is well, Hollywood. Life isn’t all butterflies and unicorns. The sand creeps in. Second, way to capture all of the emotion. I felt Everything Ryan Reynolds did. Yeah, I’ve been “accused” of feeling too much but I wouldn’t Live any other way. I can’t. I don’t know how.

Even though I’m used to my continuous stream of madness that spews forth from deep wells of synapses, I still shock myself. This is a good thing. For something to resonate in me like this movie did, to help explain how I am feeling about my life…. it was oddly cleansing. It felt tangible and real. Which, for me, helps make the solutions more possible.

Glad I got that out. It helped. And thank you, Chris, well done. Can’t wait for the next screenplay.

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