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Been Awhile

It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen an Endocrinologist. It’s been almost 4 years since my niece passed. It’s been almost a year since I had to put my beloved cat down. I’m on my way to four years without health insurance. I’m on my way to 26 years living with Type 1 Diabetes. And I still have NO idea what I’m going to be if I grow up.

And I am Never ready for February. Ever.

I did get a full work up via my Physician in August, everything looks fine. But I’m “due” for an appointment with the Endo. I’m “due” an appointment with my Ophthalmologist.

I Am Due a Fucking Break.

Mind my language. I haven’t been blogging because life took over big time. It wants over time pay too and I’m spent.

Close friends and family have some idea of what is going on. Most days, I don’t even have a clue. I just know that airing my dirty laundry, per say, is not something I want to do. So I’ve sparred you all what is Really going on.

This I know, February is just around the corner and again, I’m not prepared. I don’t think one can be for such a month as my family endures each year. Add in losing my beloved cat a year ago…..I’m a disaster.

All of this when my life is a total fucking mess. Majority of it Not my doing. I am struggling. I’m scared. I’m lost. I have no issue admitting any of this. What bothers me the most right now? I’m a downer. I’m dark. Bleak. A bitch. Well, just short with people. I try to smile, it feels fake. I try to keep my chin up, my neck hurts. I don’t like lying and no one wants to hear about the bad stuff. I don’t want to bring anyone down so I just don’t share. I’m not hiding like I normally do but I am cautious about venturing out or participating in anything with, well, cheery people. Ha. I love you people, I do, just not right now.

The other thing I Know, I am trying. Oh my goodness am I trying!!

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