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Silky Ears

A bit of a counterpoint to Doggie Doggie Doggie...

I find myself at a point where I have more human support for my life with the bigD than I maybe ever have in my life. And yet, it still feels like a very solitary endeavor. I told someone once that I make a conscious choice every day to live. Often I don't notice anymore, occasionally it feels like I have to make that decision every hour or minute. Making that choice over and over for 20 years gets exhausting. I'm not saying I have any interest in picking the alternative; I really want to keep at it, to improve. I want to live a long and healthy life in spite of my pancreas' lack of ambition and my immune system's over zealousness. I'm just not sure I want to do it alone anymore. That's why I'm so close to asking an organization and then the world to consider me less able than they ever have. I am ready to have a full-time partner in this fight. Another soul whose main job is paying attention to what direction my blood sugar is headed, especially as I lose the ability to always notice the lows. In order for me to keep this up, I need many kinds of support. I need friends who will learn to use Glucagon, just in case (so I can keep on never needing it). I need friends who bike with me, test with me, give me two french fries to curb the craving. I need friends who keep asking questions to better understand this complicated and individualistic disease. I need friends who ignore the bigD and let me just be a person. And you (yes, you) do these things for me. But none of you, not even T3, can take on the full-time job I have to do for myself. Neither can a service dog, but it would be focused on that and it could offer emotional support at the odd times when I find myself sitting at my desk waiting out a surprise BG in the low 30s, scared, lonely and knowing that calling for help would be silly because by the time anyone could react, I'd be fine again. The dog would already be there.

A few weeks ago, I took a Kundalini yoga class. Weird stuff, I gotta say, but interesting. There was a lot of resting and meditation (if you call my mind wandering all over the place meditation) which actually felt good. At my most relaxed during the 10 minutes of lying in corpse pose ("if you want to take a little nap, go ahead"), I had this very strong sensation that there was a dog curled up next to my left foot. I could feel the soft fur against my toe. Maybe I'm just crazy, but I think it's time to fill out the application.

Loyd's ears might have been the softest thing I've ever touched

ETA: Blogger posted this in the past, at the time I saved the first draft. I'm updating the post date and time so it falls closer to real time. Sorry if this double posts it to your readers...

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