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lucky?

this is also a little old - written february 27th - but it belongs here.

i've been reading the blog of a dad whose 7 year old son has diabetes.  it's so striking to me how this disease reverberates through a family - especially when the person who has it is young.  charlie, the boy from the blog, was 22 months old when he was diagnosed.  TWENTY TWO MONTHS OLD.  i was twenty two years old, and that was difficult enough.  but i am the only one who manages my disease, and manage it i do!  for charlie, he has a whole team - mainly his mother and father, but also siblings, teachers, school nurse, etc.  it's incredible.  i feel so much for this family.  i also feel so lucky that i had 22 years without diabetes.  22 years to eat carbs without consequence (...not entirely true, but without scary, life-threatening consequence).  if there was such a thing as a 'good time' to get diabetes, i would say 22 was it for me.  it waited through my little kid years, which judging from charlie's dad (carey)'s blog would have been pretty difficult for everyone.  it waited through middle school (again, can't even imagine how that would have worked), and through high school, and thankfully through college.  i got diabetes 4 months after i graduated college.  talk about timing.  i had only been doing the real-life, adult routine thing for 2 solid months when diabetes came along.  so if you think about it, diabetes is the divider between my childhood and my adult life.  i will never be an adult without diabetes, and i will never have known it as a kid.

reading carey's blog is both painful and heartwarming.  i am kind of addicted to it right now, just like i was to kerri's when i first found it.  i don't know what i would do if i had a child with this disease.  obviously i know a lot about it, but it's still managing another person, which is inherently different than managing yourself.  i cannot imagine my mother as a parent of diabetic child.  it requires SO much around the clock monitoring.  what the hell would she have done?  i am thankful for her sake that she does not have to bear the burden of my disease.  but sometimes, as sick and twisted as this might be, i wish she did.  i just wish she knew what it was like.  i think she has a better idea of it now than before i was diagnosed.  but even still, i don't live with her, and i think she probably forgets sometimes how drastically different my daily life is.  i shouldn't say that.  it's not drastically different.  it just has this very important unique process that has to occur multiple times a day now, which it did not have before and which she has never had to live with herself.  i remember sitting in the ER with her on september 20th, and i was just asking a billion questions a minute.  what does this mean?  can i have sugar?  i have to give myself shots?  for the rest of my life?  and she was being a trooper, but i also think she was doing her optimism thing, where nothing is really "that bad," except that it is, and she's just sugar coating things (no pun intended) in an attempt to make me not freak out.  but also, i think she genuinely did not know.  how could she?  i sure as hell didn't.  and i sure as hell do now.

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