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Perfection

It probably isn't a good thing when you walk into a room and people say "you look like you've had a crazy day" or "what happened?" or "did you sleep at ALL last night?" Okay, so my hair... it's spirited. And my skin was always pretty pale, but the dark circles... those are new. I take great comfort in the fact that they aren't completely permanent. Thanks to an awesome husband and dumb luck, I got to go to bed early one night last week and got to take a nap two days in a row and when I woke up and saw myself in the mirror, I ran into my husband's office like it was Christmas morning to show him that they were gone. (Almost). The truth is, they're back. Of course. It was fun while it lasted. We just don't sleep much around here. And how can we? We've got basal rates that are too low, and basal rates that are too high, and insulin to carb ratios that are too high, and correction factors that are too high. So we eat dinner and he goes high (not enough insulin in that ratio) and we correct him and he drops like crazy (too much correction) and we treat the low and he zooms back up high again(too many carbs?) but then he starts tanking (basal rate too high) and it's all just a bit complicated. What comes first? Chicken or egg? It's like untying a knot. I just don't even know where to begin. I'm not supposed to change it all at once, but it's a mighty pain picking at one loop at a time trying to untangle all these details, just to have the loop I just thought I loosened tighten back up when I pull at the next one. (Sorry, I was probably a bit ambitious for my sleep deprived brain there- that was confusing.) We see a trend over a few days. We agonize over it. We think we've got it. We sit back to watch, and see the problem we just thought we fixed come back. Only now it's worse. Or else that trend we were seeing has disappeared into thin air and we are looking at the same trends we had last week. Time to start over. It reminds me of that awful game where you have to match all those tiny little shapes into the corresponding holes while the timer is buzzing away counting down as you race the clock, and you almost have them all in where they belong when BAM, the timer dings and the pieces all launch out every which way. I hated that game. What was that called? (Google consult: Perfection.) Ahhhh ha ha! Irony! That's why it got under my skin, isn't it? Because some of us just can't let go. Some of us have this issue with obsessing over getting it just right, and CANNOT STOP until we do. I should go look for my therapist's card, huh? I needed that laugh. Okay. ... Is it even possible to be getting more sensitive to insulin corrections, but less sensitive to insulin at meals? Can that even happen?

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