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okay, so here's a summary of the last few months, from way back in september when i started my courses in sixth form. 

- a new friend - there's this diabetic girl in the year below me, we've never been close or anything and so on. well, she made me feel very uncomfortable in myself &  well we settled it, we realised how pathetic we or i was being nd we're alright now! we're not best friends if i'm honest, but that can't be helped as she's the year below me and sixth form and year 11 are complete distant places in life, but we'll help each other out, see each other where we can at school, for example this morning, i text her frantic that i had high blood sugars and she helped me out there. also, as you may already know... or not, i have an insulin pump, and well she contacted me and her & her mum wanted my help as she was getting one too and she's about two months into it now, and she's doing greaaaat! i've got called outta class once because she didn't have her ketone meter with her (it was at the start of it all and highs are way more confusing on the pump until you get used to them) and the nurse had had a go at her, and funnily enough this is exactly the same thing that i experienced with the same nurse at the same point of my treatment! how funny?! well, we're getting on just fine now, and she's an extra friend and i hope i can make a difference in her life now that she knows shes got someone to talk to when diabetes gets her down. I don't feel it right to publicise her name, but i know that we're happier this way and that it's just the right thing to do.. grow up. She's a proper nice girl & i really wish her all the best in life, thankyou if you see this!

- clinic (october 2010) - i can't remember much about this clinic if i'm completely honest, it wasn't all that exciting. i think the novelty of going way further, getting the day off to go to pump clinic has worn off after the fifth visit. it's just not... fun. my hba1c is 6.9% (woooo!) and i've been told to lose a little weight, same as always really! aha! i cancelled my next clinic is january as i just cannot be bothered with it all so soon after christmas, so it's now in february. i think it's because they didn't have my notes there at clinic, very unhelpful, as i'd previously gone to a 24 hour blood pressure screening and needed the results of that, they were just really lost and i just wanted to go home to be honest.

- my birthday (november 2010). i had my 17th birthday last month, a lovely day out on the train & back to my house for a chinese and sleepover that night. it was a beautiful day all down to my friends and parents! i don't tend to test during days out, because if i'm walking round all day i know my sugars are fine, so what's the point. i normally just have a cone of chips & a shake from the shakeshed & we end up blagging some free chocolate samples from the various chocolate shops, so just bolus for a good 60g of carbohydrate (normally 7-8units) and that does me. it all went really well until i hit the shandy, but i just corrected and that brought me down. i don't think i'll be touching lagers anytime soon, i'll stick to the nice, juicy, teenage drinks that are barcardi and wkd - ahaaa, no not because thats what us teenages drink because we think its 'hard', because i genuinly enjoy the stuff! 

- christmas activities at school. i woke up this morning to find that my blood sugars were signifcantly high and began to panic, this was all too familiar for me to face. this happened last year, and i had risen a staggering 8mmol/150mg/dl by the time i actually arrived at school. i ended up in the heads office & then being made to sit with the teachers the whole day in the hall during the pantomime and fashion show and it was horrible, and then my sugars had gone up as soon as they'd come down again at lunch & the whole day was ruined. and this was just the vision i had. luckily my sugars had come down by the time i got to school this year & i could happily eat my yoghurt for breakfast. i still needed a correction two hours later, but that was understandable, so i treated myself to about four or five little christmas chocolates given to me by various people to keep myself alive during this years ever so boring pantomime! and we won the fashion show as a year group (wooooo!). how brilliant, and yes there was lairiness getting involved from the very start ... and a horn that got taken off of us. but we were as loud as we wanted to be, and yes, we're seen as the worst year group, but that's only because they mollycoddle us for no reason. 

- my pumpaversairry (december 2010). 25th november was the pumpaversairry of my saline, but i treat the day i got the insulin as the true one. i didn't even realise until i got half way through assembly and let out a humoungous gasp in front of everyone. reflecting on that, i realised how much i went from happy, to such a dark extremely emotional girl, and then got saved by one person who will never know how lucky i was that i had them. my hba1c has gone from 9.8% to 6.9% (6.6% lowest) since then, and i'm a lot happier, healthier and confident then i ever was before i got my pump. this first year (or at least the first half of it) was extremely pshyically tiring for me. it saw me drained for my personality and diabetes was constantly on my mind. i'm not scared to admit it that i went from going into DKA, and then nearly having to see a therapist, and then turning to some mild form (if there is one) of diabulimia (not because i wanted to lose weight, because i just didn't want the bother with the pump after how much shit it gave me) and to being saved by someone and my beautiful friends. how i done it i never know, but i asked my form tutor how i was going to get through a pretty recent seven day rough patch, and she told me that if there was anyone that could get through the tinniest thing as that it was me, and that last year i was extremely 'fragile' (that brought a tear to my eye as i realised not just the people closest to me, but the people all around me noticed that, and to be honest, i barely noticed that myself). i also took a brief 1 and a half hour visit to the person who saved my life and i was having a rough day & was changing sets due to highs & she reminded me of how frightened i was at the first change i did at school and i just came out with 'i think i've changed' and she went 'yeahh, you have, definitely holly, you're... different now' and that kind of made me happy. she was the one person who told me i would get through this and whatever i do in life, it will be to make her happy as well as make myself proud of what i do. i have a lot of people to thank for this year, and she is one of them, i honestly could've left this earth if it wasn't for her, and that's why i don't believe in God. he didn't save me, he didn't so much as let me know i'm a good person, but instead i found it in a person who took me by suprise. 

- i've had my ups and downs over the past few months, who doesn't have bad sugar days. most of those days have been highs, but you just have to deal with them. it's just down to bad sets, knocking them out, under-bolusing. people have been there along the way for me and i appreciate that. i've had one panic attack for some unknown reason, but i still got through it. i've made myself proud this past few weeks, i've settled into doing actual revision this year, and diabetes, although an important and extremely bad thing to let go wrong, will always come second in my life now, second to friends and family, second to being good at things, it will always be there and will always have to be controlled, and i've promised myself i will always do that, ALWAYS, it's just not gonna take over me like it did a while back, and i've got my priorities back on track!

Holly :) 

new updates coming next week or after christmas. i'm planning something next week, but depending on how it goes i might not post it, if not i'll let you know how christmas goessssss!  

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